top 10 things NOT to do at an archaeological conference

Here's a little something my pal Julia Huddleson and I wrote up while waiting in Corpus Christi for our flight to Dallas after attending a five-day professional archaeological conference:

10. Present your paper as if you have retainers in your mouth.
9. Say, "As you can see in this slide," but you can't really see anything there.
8. Present your paper like it's the first time you've ever read it.
7. Give a "This is a preliminary study" paper three years after the excavation has concluded.
6. Say, "So, my first point is...." 15 minutes after your symposium chair tells you your time is up.
5. Read off lists after lists of the artifacts you found without giving any substantive analysis.
4. Show slides with prints so small that only people sitting at the first row can read them.
3. Keep looking over your friend's shoulder to see if there's someone more famous you can talk to.
2. Show your slides upside down and backwards.
1. Ask a fellow conference attendee, "So, how's that T. rex excavation of yours going?"